Five Ways to Heal

Heart break is never easy. Be it from a break up, a disagreement with a friend or another kind of loss, it often feels like the ache will never go away. There have been many changes this year. Someone broke up with me and I found out I had cancer. I still feel uneasy. It has been hard to be patient, to let the healing take the time it will take.

But here are some steps I took to help me through the healing process:

1) Find the things that make you feel stronger
There were some days where I’d be completely distracted, making lists in my head of everything I could have done wrong to cause the break up. The same thing happened when I found out I had thyroid cancer. I wanted to understand what I had done to cause cancer to grow in my body. I was trying to use problem solving to heal, and as I learned overtime, that wasn’t going to cure anything.

What did make me feel stronger was listening to music and reading books that would distract me from those thought patterns. These sources also put words to the feelings. I’m not always the most in tune with my emotions, but the music and books helped me figure out what I was actually feeling. It also reminded me that I was not the only person who had gone through a break up or had cancer. I really would be ok eventually.

2) Be around people
After my diagnosis, there were moments where I wanted to stay in the house all day and not do anything. My doctors told me multiple times that I would make a complete recovery. I believed them, but still I was crippled by the fact that there were enough cells in my body to cause cancer to grow. Plus, the break up happened a month prior to learning about the cancer. I’d never felt more alone in my life.

On the days I didn’t want to leave the house, I’d talk myself into getting out of bed. Then I’d go do something supportive that would force me to be around people. Sometimes I’d go to church or a show downtown. Other times, I’d take a yoga class or go to the gym. I rarely even talked to anyone. But there was something about being near complete strangers and watching them live their lives that made me feel less alone.

3) Accept the small steps
Healing from any traumatic experience can feel like riding a roller coaster. Some days, you feel completely content, while the next day, something triggers a downward slump.

I discovered that this is completely normal. However, I found this part of the healing process completely frustrating. Logically, if I was starting to feel the joy of the uphill slope, then I should continue moving uphill and feeling better. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. You will take three steps forward, and two steps back, and it’s exasperating. Instead, focus on the one step you made because it’s still one more step forward than you were before.

4) Learn something new
When I stopped dating this guy, I realized I had a lot more free time on my hands. To help keep me from spending all weekend in bed binging on a Netflix show, I decided to learn something new. Studying makeup was my first new hobby. I’m now practicing Spanish, listening to Podcasts, hiking, doing online tutorials about blogging, trying DIY projects off Pinterest and organizing meet ups with some other young professionals in my field.

It’s been a lot of fun to try new things, and I’ve learned more about myself along the way.

5) Practice gratitude
Instead of living in the moment, I would focus on the past. This was especially true after my diagnosis. I had a total thyroidectomy, so my daily life had to change. I now take a thyroid hormone replacement every morning and three different supplements to make sure my hormones stay balanced. I’ve made changes to my diet, exercise often and have to sleep more.

I had a hard time adjusting to synthetic hormones, and spent the first 6 months post-surgery chronically fatigued. It was very hard to stay positive. What helped was developing a daily gratitude practice. During Lent, I listed three specific things that had happened that day that I was grateful for and made me happy. What I realized was that I did have good things happening everyday, and that was encouraging.

Going through a shocking experience is terrible, but you must help yourself through the healing process. It’s a journey that takes time, and I hope these ideas help you.

Click here to download a FREE healing resources sheet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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