08/ 24/ 2015
Whole foods is my favorite place to buy magazines. Seems a little odd, yes, but they have the best selection in my opinion, everything from high fashion to natural living.
I was scanning the racks prior to checking out and saw a truly inspiring cover featuring Keira Knightly.
Having just turned 30 myself, I couldn’t help but feel pumped. “If that’s 30, then sign me up,” I thought.
From this cover, I learned that 30 is a state of mind, a mere flick of the grown up switch in my case. Not that I wasn’t an adult before, but there’s something about 30 that makes me feel braver, more capable of advocating for myself, less anxious about the unknown.
08/ 12/ 2015
After four weekends of travel, I’m looking forward to staying put for a bit. I don’t mean to sound like I’m whining or complaining about having to take these trips. They were mostly really fun. But after a bachelorette party, three weddings and a work retreat in the span of four weekends, I’m feeling pretty run down.
I was a bridesmaid in two of the weddings. Both brides are dear friends of mine, and I was pumped to be a part of their big days. As I was primping hair, assembling bouquets and setting out center pieces, I couldn’t help but feel pressured. It felt like a weight, something I could mess up in the midst of this major life event. I did the bride’s hair, so I was responsible if a bobby pin fell out and a curl came loose and ruined her pictures. Re-reading that sentence I realize how crazy it sounds, but in the moment, that’s all I could think about, things going wrong on account of my mistake.
07/ 27/ 2015
There’s that saying: communication is key. It’s played consistently in my mind, at work and in real life. Details are important and they should be shared—it’s my mantra, a virtue I live by. So it shouldn’t be surprising that I’ve always needed people to communicate with me. I just drive myself crazy with the what’s this or that mean, what if this happens, etc.
This past month, I picked up on something. I’ve started to notice just how difficult it is for me to communicate. I’m not very good at saying what I’m feeling or need. It’s intimidating, and I often feel uncomfortable and awkward speaking up. Instead I like to leave the talking to the other person, letting them bring up the bigger questions, the important issues first.
07/ 13/ 2015
I have this tendency. I always thought it was a good one, a polite habit that proved I was raised well, like saying please or thank you or holding open doors for people. I say sorry a lot, even when it’s not merited, and over time, it’s become a sort of automatic response.
Lately I’ve realized that when I say sorry, it’s actually a measure of my confidence. When I apologize to people out of habit, it’s because I don’t trust my own work, ideas or instincts. I’m not apologizing to them because I’ve done something wrong; I’m saying sorry because I’m embarrassed I wasn’t enough, that I hadn’t thought ahead or prepared enough.
For me, it’s far easier to say sorry than to stand up for myself. My sister Julie impressed me as a child because she had no problem telling others what she thought. I often wished I could operate with a similar sense of audacity, but it never felt natural for me.
