08/ 16/ 2018
Each year when my birthday comes around, I take a moment to reflect and re-vision. I used to find this practice exciting, something I looked forward to doing. After 30, it feels differently. It’s a little less energizing and more intimidating.
I’ve realized that sometimes, no matter how hard you’re hustling to make your goals happen, they usually won’t come together in the way you imagined. This year, when I stopped to consider my life, I realized there have been many things I wanted to do or accomplish and didn’t. Some of them I pursued only to lose interest, and that’s ok, it happens. But others have felt like an uphill climb, wherein I took one step forward, then three steps back.
With all that in mind, I wondered if it was me. Was I setting goals I couldn’t reach? Had I become an ineffective goal setter? This wasn’t the case. I am very clear on my goals and know the steps that need to happen to see them through. But, as I alluded to earlier, I began to see that my expectations were so high that when things didn’t go according to plan, I was blinded, unable to see the good in reality.
When something wasn’t unfolding as I envisioned it, I immediately focused on how I failed, made a mistake or didn’t build a comprehensive enough plan. I thought I was lacking discipline and had become lazy. That I was too distracted to stay focused and finish the goal I had set.
What I’d really lost was the ability to be nimble, patient and to keep faith, and as a result, I was missing out on a lot. Almost nothing goes according to plan. I am choosing to embrace this, to treat it like a mantra as I enter my 33rd year.
So, one of my goals this year is to break the habit of making my joy dependent on meeting expectations that I’ve constructed in my mind. Instead, I will try to enjoy reality.
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