10/ 22/ 2017
This past summer, a pastor at the church I sometimes go to said, “some of our relationships will hold us back.” At the time, I wasn’t sure why that particular sentence stood out to me in his sermon. But I wrote it down in my iPhone and forgot about it.
Fast-forward to later in the summer when I was couch surfing until I could move into my new apartment. My friend and I were watching a movie, and about half way through, the female protagonist said that in relationships, she’s the one who always tries to make it work. As with the statement in my pastor’s sermon, this also stood out to me.
From both happenings, I realized that when it comes to relationships, I have a pattern. In my past romantic relationships, I’ve been the one who wanted to work on things and make the relationship work. But, for me, I’ve learn that this is true in any type of relationship, be it a friendship or something else, even if the relationship is not good for me.
Then I wondered: Why would I maintain a detrimental relationship? Why would I build relationships with folks that make me doubt my self-worth? And why would I give my time and attention to someone that isn’t also giving their energies to me?
In September, I learned that I’m not obligated to maintain relationships that are holding me back from feeling worthy, valued and appreciated, and that there is no shame in needing to let go. But I realized that this too goes both ways. Just as I was feeling held back, perhaps the other person was feeling held back by me as well.
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