03/ 12/ 2015
I read Pride & Prejudice for the first time when I was in college. It’s an important book in my life. I read it in a period of more formable years, wherein I was trying to determine my opinion of the world and how I wanted to perceive the people in it. During my first read, I was struck by something Elizabeth says to Mr. Darcy: “But people themselves alter so much that there is something new to be observed in them forever.” Throughout the years, this quote has remained embedded in my memory, and it has only just begun to mean something.
At the time, I disagreed with the statement. I can recall discussing people’s ability to change over time with one of my college roommates. Having experienced some hardship by that point, I was a bit bitter, and under the impression that people never truly changed, that they were either good or bad at their core and that was it. She, on the other hand, believed we were more mailable than that, capable of making positive strides for the better despite our pasts.
This past month, I realized how very wrong I was. This belief was, more than anything, incredibly stifling. It was part of a mindless defense mechanism, something I decided to believe in order to protect myself from being hurt by other people. To believe that people couldn’t change meant that I was, quite frankly, self-absorbed and judgmental. Yes, my intention came from a good place, a need to protect. But really, I became so blinded by my fear of being hurt that I built a very tall wall and wouldn’t let many climb over it.
In doing so, I’m blocking out both the good and the bad of people… and it’s a real loss to miss out on those good parts. Thinking about all this makes me want to pull a Miley Cyrus and rent a wrecking ball—no joke. Because, as I learned in February, people can be pretty surprising, and in a great way.
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