Lessons from Somewhere: January 2015

This past month, I went on my first date in 9 and a half years.

(Let’s take a moment to re-read that sentence… yes, I said 9 and a half years).

I don’t write too often about boys on my blog for a reason—it’s taken me a long time to open up to the possibility of dating anyone again (if you’re curious as to why, check out this post). Dating intimidated me for years, and the idea of becoming intimate or that vulnerable with anyone again gave me too much anxiety to even try going on a date.

But this all seemed to change last month at a party. As I explained in my last post, a boy asked me to play ping-pong with him, and I did. While we played, I remember having a moment wherein I silently patted myself on the back for not running away from him. Even that felt like a big step.

We hung out the rest of the night and he asked for my number, which was weird, because no boy has asked for my number since 2009. But he seemed nice, so I typed it into his iPhone and wondered if I’d ever hear from him again.

We’ve gone out a couple times since then, and surprisingly, it’s been a lot easier to date than I thought it would be. I’d imagined all of the worst case scenarios: what if there were way too many awkward pauses in our conversation? Or what if he didn’t find me at all interesting? Or what if he doesn’t think I’m girly enough?

When I was about to head out for our first date, it finally dawned on me: this was a moment for me to practice self-faith. I had to trust my instincts, which were telling me to take a chance and give him a try. I also had to remind myself that I’d already missed out on nearly a decade of dating because I was too afraid to let a guy in again. Yes, I’d been deeply burned by my one and only previous relationship, but by not going on this date, I was letting the past own me… and it had to stop winning.

So I channeled this energy: I took a deep breath, applied some red lipstick and blasted Taylor Swift all the way to the restaurant. It was the boost I needed to step out of my anti-dating phase, and into something new and unknown.

I don’t know if anything will happen with this guy and I, and this all seems a little out of character for me… but I like it.

 

 

 

 

 

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