01/ 25/ 2015

I decided to cut my loses and follow a different mantra in 2015: why not? Many times in the past year, I’d given an automatic “no:” no, I don’t want to go to that event with you; no, my anxiety levels are just too high right now to handle being around so many people; or no, I think I’ll just stay home tonight. I’d let the stress and dysfunction of my life get in the way of really living. Asking why not felt like a good solution. At least I’d be forced to pause before making a decision, and even if I still chose “no,” at least I’d know why.

So when my friend Lauren asked me to go to a party the day I flew back to NYC, I asked “why not?” and ended up buying my ticket. When thinking about what to wear, I found this short, red, sequined number at Free People. It’s the kind of dress I’d typical make an excuse for, like, “oh no–I can’t pull that off!” But I decided to try it on and loved it.

My other friend Patsy ended up coming with me to the party, and upon arriving, I completely forgot that it was at a ping pong bar. This is normally the sort of activity that would scare me away: “I’ll just embarrass myself because I’ll never be able to actually hit the ball.” But I played instead and did make a fool of myself—I just chose instead not to care.

Later on, a boy came over and started talking to me. I’ve written before about how uncomfortable I am with dating; however, it’s something I’ve been working on overcoming for the past couple of years. After talking for a bit, he asked me to play ping pong with him, and this time, my insecurities didn’t even kick in. There was no reason not to play.

What’s important here is that I tried. I didn’t settle on misery like I had so many times before. I stepped out into the world, chose to be a little vulnerable and ended up having a great time—even though I felt like a fool with a ping pong paddle in hand.

Here’s to more of this kind of skullduggery in 2015.