Lessons from Somewhere: November 2014

Until recently, I didn’t listen to podcast too often. That was until my friend Kristen recommended a weekly sermon series produced by a House for all Sinners and Saints—a church based in Denver, Colorado. I have a few favorite things about the series: the sermons are inclusive of all people, the pastor is very real and — an added bonus — they’re usually under 15 minutes.

This month, I listened to this particular sermon by Emily Kuenker several times. It focuses on reconciliation, something that I hadn’t really contemplated much before. I don’t mind apologizing when I’m in the wrong, and I get so paranoid about hurting people’s feelings, I say sorry even when it’s not necessary. To me, this is reconciliation. Saying sorry is my way of making amends, of setting things right.

In college, one of my good friends made a choice that deeply hurt me. After a time, I was able to forgive her. We met at Starbucks like we had dozens of times before, and I remember very clearly saying, “I forgive you.” I thought this was enough, my act of reconciliation. But I was never able to trust her again, and very quickly, our friendship fizzled, becoming part of our respective pasts.

I must have listened to the sermon 10 times this month. It was necessary in order for me to fully glean this lesson: true reconciliation means letting go of hurt feelings and choosing the “relationship” over yourself. I think it also includes learning to trust those that have disappointed you.

For me, trust is the larger issue. I’ll admit that it’s much easier for me to cut people out of my life than to let them back in. But this is a slippery slope. Distrust breeds resentment (and I’m sure we all know what that feels like). I’ve never fully been able to let go of the pain that friend caused me, and it’s become my “yoke,” a burden that I’ve carried for nearly a decade now. And, let’s be honest, resentment isn’t fun. It eats at me, affecting my mood, mind, spirit and soul.

Here’s the hardest part of reconciliation: I must learn to accept that people will disappointment me, and conversely, I am going to disappointment them. And this really is ok, because otherwise, relationships become conditional—I’ll be your friend as long as you don’t hurt me. Further, I’ll never be able to have a selfless or true friendship with anyone.

I think this it’s possible to believe… but it will take time.

 

 

 

 

 

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