Lessons from Somewhere: March 2014

I like to feel comfortable and prefer to live in my “comfort-zone.” It’s something that I often want to change about myself, because, for me, trying something different can be an agonizing experience.

One of my greatest struggles is attempting to talk to a new person. It’s puzzling to me how anyone can just talk to someone they’ve never met before so easily and seamlessly, or how someone can ask another person out on a date. I thought that once I hit my mid-20s, this fear, this shyness, this social anxiety, this whatever it is, would go away.

Over the past year, I’ve realized that it’s not just going to go away. It’s part of who I am, so I can learn to cope with it or let it own me. I’m attempting to do the former and have decided to face the fear head on. To put it more simply, I have to practice putting myself out there.

This past month, I had the chance to talk to someone I’d never met before. I should also mention that it was a boy (it’s important to note this because in addition to my social anxieties, I’m also scared of boys).

In the moment, I could sense myself slipping, letting the fear wash over, taking me completely. And then I paused for a moment and silently said:

You can let your fear stop you, or you can try.

And so I took a deep breath, ordered a beer and tried.

It wasn’t how I thought it would be. In my head, I wanted to appear more polished and put together. I didn’t recite a stream of clever one-liners or always say the right thing. But I was — at least most of the time — myself, and what an accomplishment this was for me.

Feeling encouraged by my efforts, I told my all too wise roommate Emily that I wanted to start practicing more; she encouraged me to do so. A few days later, after not hearing back from someone I’d asked to hang out with, Emily reminded me that this was sort of the point of practicing. Not everyone will like you, I will be rejected sometimes and that’s ok.

Maybe accepting her advice is the first step to freedom.

—Jaime

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