10/ 10/ 2013
When I think about the word “independent,” many images come to mind. Someone eating alone at a restaurant or Buffy Summers — legendary Vampire Slayer — fighting the damned/saving the world yet again. Mostly though, I envision Beyoncé in all her finery, hair flying through the wind, while belting out the chorus of “Single Ladies.”
To me, these images represent strength, confidence and self-reliance. We could argue that these aren’t bad qualities, in fact, they can be life-enriching. But, for some, putting too much emphasis on any 1 of the 3 could be detrimental.
This month I learned that I am too self-reliant for my own good. At the heart of this issue is a deep sense of pride in my independence and my ability to handle things on my own. Obviously there are some underlying causes. I have a fear of being deemed needy or seen as dependent on other people. I’ve also been hurt by others in the past (people I did let in and relied on). I completely recognize that my self-reliance is mostly about protecting myself.
After journaling about all of this, I realized that my reasons for not relying on others were simply a load of crap. By approaching life in an overly guarded way, I’m putting myself in a state constant isolation. I claim to believe that relationships with people are what make our lives stand out; our friendships and interactions make us learn and grow. And if there’s 1 thing I’ve learned in the past 2 years, it’s that sharing your life, struggles and issues with someone else is truly valuable. When we are too self-reliant, we miss out on those chances to become the best versions of ourselves that we can be.
In an effort to start relying more on others, I talked this issue over with a very close friend. She basically recommended redefining my definition of dependent… it helped a lot. I’d always thought of dependency as a form of weakness or as an inability to handle any given situation. What if I thought of being dependent as an opportunity to be supported by others not as an act of submission?
The truth is, we can be both strong and dependent. We can surround ourselves with good, supportive people, and they’ll likely help us accomplish more than we ever thought possible.
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