02/ 04/ 2016
I entered 2016 with some pending decisions, and as predicted in a previous post, the year started off a little messy. It’s really ok, I mean, hardship happens from time to time. It can’t always be easy.
The messes triggered some emotional reactions. At one point, I turned on Ben Harper, crawled into bed and let myself have a good, hard cry. I didn’t sensor myself—it was heaving, ugly and raw. It was an intense cycle of feelings — frustration, confusion, insecurity, anger — but mostly I felt deeply sad.
Then it hit me. Yes, this was painful; yes, I felt wounded, like my being vulnerable led to rejection; yes, I didn’t exactly understand why everything seemed to be going wrong at the same time. But I had authorship over my life. I could act on feelings, or I could hit pause, take a moment and choose my course.
01/ 02/ 2016
Alright, I’ve got to be real here. I’m sad to see 2015 go. Wait, sad isn’t quite the word. I’m scared to see it go—there, that’s much more accurate. 2015 was a fantastic year. I learned a ton, started to feel more grounded and confidant in myself, met someone awesome, got promoted, finished the first draft of my book and traveled to places I hadn’t seen before.
I’m terrified to see it go. I’ve grown so comfortable in it and 2016 holds some unknowns. There are going to be some changes, potentially a few big ones. It’s no secret that I’m a perfectionist-control freak. So the anxiety I’ve experienced in the past two days is intense.
I have absolutely no idea how 2016 will unfold. I have no clue what my life will look like a year from now, and this truth is driving me mad.
12/ 13/ 2015
Shortly after college, I went through a period where I only watched dramatic movies. I can’t recall why I lost interest in comedies and rom-coms. Perhaps it’s because indie films and dramas made me feel more interesting some how.
During this phase, I was living in Atlanta and had become good friends with a co-worker named Heather. I remember her wanting to go see The Hangover. I was on fence at first, then she said something like, “sometimes, I just need to laugh, you know?” I went with her. After all, laughter sounded good, but a little foreign to me in this context. Sure enough, I hadn’t laughed that hard in forever.
12/ 03/ 2015
Upon returning home to NYC after a trip to my parent’s house in Florida, I was feeling refreshed and ready to take on life. In my first week back, I had a few unexpectedly tough conversations. That’s fine, they’re a part of life. But I learned that any relationship — be it with a lover, loved one or co-worker — is only as strong as its communication. After realizing this, my type-A tendencies kicked in and I started working toward my newest goal, becoming a better communicator.
Firstly, I needed to Identify my communication style. I honestly hadn’t thought about it before and how could I attempt to become a better communicator if I didn’t know my preference. I didn’t do any specific research on communication, but considered what sorts of things work or don’t work when I listen to others. I learned that direct communication and firm answers work for me (yes or no–avoid the maybes please). Sensitive subjects or difficult news should be given to me straight. I also discovered that if not spoken to directly, I’ll make assumptions when given information. I’ll spin things a million different ways and read into them deeply, which is why I want directness. I crave the certainty.
