11/ 01/ 2015
A couple of weeks ago, I was in a Starbucks (which isn’t too unusual for me). A friend was ordering a tea, then pointed out a quote on the wall. It read, “the tireless pursuit of all things.”
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this quote since that moment. What does it mean to “tirelessly pursue?” It sounds exhausting to some degree. But then, I felt like the quote was calling me out in a way, and I questioned if I was working hard enough. Was I doing enough to reach my goals?
I had some big changes toward the end of the summer, especially at work. I realized that since August, I haven’t felt like I’ve been working toward something impossible, like I’m not “tirelessly pursuing” anything.
The majority of the past four years have felt like a real fight. There was always something I was trying to achieve or working through—finding full-time work, getting through a period of many “down days” and trying to become more confident. I realized how odd it felt to finally feel settled, to not be mostly worried. For the first time since moving to NYC, I wasn’t experiencing a constant sense of struggle.
After reading this quote, I learned that I should be incredibly grateful for a little bit of calm. I should enjoy this period of steadiness because there are no guarantees that it will be lasting. I’ve learned that life is like that, an intense rush one moment, and quietly content a little later, and that’s ok. The ups and the downs are what make life curious, what make it fun, what keep it interesting.
Hey, Jaime, read any good books lately? No, seriously. I’m spending Thanksgiving week with the fam. They’re all huge football fans, which I most definitely am not, so I’m looking for several good books to amuse myself with while they are otherwise occupied. Think I’ve read every book you’ve mentioned, liked them all, so any recent reads you’d recommend? And I have one for you. If you haven’t already, you HAVE to read “After Alice.” It just dropped last week–won’t spoil the plot, but in general it’s about a friend of Alice’s who goes searching for her and falls down the rabbit hole herself. I loved it and think you would too. Also, I really liked the cool clothes you were wearing in the pix with your Docs. By any chance are they available online? Finally, belated congrats on your new job. After reading some of your posts last summer, I thought you might end up back in Florida!
Hey Katie! Hope you have fun over Thanksgiving with your family. I’ve been reading some nonfiction lately. I recently finished Ta-Nehisi Coates “Between the World and Me.” It’s incredibly powerful and addresses the American conception of “race.” Currently, I’m reading “Daring Greatly” by Brené Brown. I needed a good kick, and always find her research/stories about vulnerability and shame motivating. I also bought a couple others, including “Alice I have Been” by Melanie Benjamin, but haven’t started it yet. I heard about “After Alice,” and quickly added it to my B&N wish list. Thank you for sharing and I’m glad you recommended it! Gosh, that’s flattering you thought my outfit was cool. You know, I actually bought only two of the items I was wearing: my Docs and the jeans (from Gap circa 2014). The boy-scout shirt belonged to my brother; the flannel was borrowed; and the knitted hat was a gift. And thank you for the congratulations—my new role is working out quite well!
Thanks for the suggestions, Jaime. I read the Coates book when it first came out last summer. Or rather I tried to–didn’t make it all the way thru. I’d seen him in a couple of tv interviews, found him thoroughly obnoxious, so maybe I approached it with an overly critical attitude. But I just find his writing vastly over-rated. Will definitely check out the others, though. Speaking of books, I’m curious as to what yours is about . Are you planning to workshop it? Not sure where you find the time to work on it with your new job, but hope the editing/rewriting phase goes well. By the way, I’ve recommended your blog to a couple of my more literary friends and both said they thought it was cool. Ever thought of starting an online book club? Stay safe!
You know, I haven’t watched any of Coates’s interviews. Will check them out. Yes, I have finished a first draft of my book, which feels very surreal. Now onto my least favorite task–editing! Right now, my plan is to polish this draft up, and figure out my next steps once it’s done. Thank you so much for recommending my blog to your friends—very kind! You know, I love the idea of book clubs, but am terrible at them as I only want to read what I want to read, haha. I’ve tried doing a few over the years and it’s never worked out. Maybe an online one would be different though. Happy holiday!