08/ 12/ 2015
After four weekends of travel, I’m looking forward to staying put for a bit. I don’t mean to sound like I’m whining or complaining about having to take these trips. They were mostly really fun. But after a bachelorette party, three weddings and a work retreat in the span of four weekends, I’m feeling pretty run down.
I was a bridesmaid in two of the weddings. Both brides are dear friends of mine, and I was pumped to be a part of their big days. As I was primping hair, assembling bouquets and setting out center pieces, I couldn’t help but feel pressured. It felt like a weight, something I could mess up in the midst of this major life event. I did the bride’s hair, so I was responsible if a bobby pin fell out and a curl came loose and ruined her pictures. Re-reading that sentence I realize how crazy it sounds, but in the moment, that’s all I could think about, things going wrong on account of my mistake.
By the third wedding, it was nearly impossible to pull myself out of this place. I texted a friend in search of an anchor, some wise words that would ground me. She wrote back encouraging me to not let my insecurities keep me from experiencing and responding to the action, to real life. I was becoming lost in myself, blinded by a self-absorption. While I wasn’t completely able to shake the pressure, I did begin to relax a little.
Since my return on Sunday night, I’ve been analyzing the pressure, trying to understand why I feel that I am responsible for matters outside of my control. Why is that? It can’t only be about feeling responsible and I don’t think it has to do with insecurities. Could it be my perfectionist nature? I’m not sure, but I know I’m tired of it.
Hey, Jaime. First, happy birthdays to you & Harlow–she’s so adorable! Secondly, speaking of (future) weddings, how is the online dating going? I’m wondering if it’s been a positive experience for you. A couple of years ago, I went thru a hellish break-up (after an 8-year relationship!) and I’m just now starting to feel ready to put myself out there again. My friends have had mixed results, so I’m not sure it’s a good fit for me. Any advice or apps you’d recommend? Hope you have a peaceful weekend.
Hi Katie, thanks for the birthday wishes! I had a great experience with online dating. It’s such a personal thing and I think everyone’s experience is different, so I’d encourage you to give it a chance. I recommend picking up this book “Love at First Click” by Laurie Davis. It’s a sort of go to guide on how to date online and will help you figure out which sites are best for you, how to write a profile and online date safely. Hope this helps! Also, I dated someone for 3 years and I know it’s really hard to try letting someone in again. Dating by any means takes a lot of courage–so take note of that! It’s a big step.