08/ 09/ 2013
My birthday typically elicits a desperate need to read a self help book. Knowing that I’m growing older triggers that downward spiral of thoughts like I’m no where close to where I thought I’d be at this point in my life and I don’t have myself at all together and I’m an utter mess. It’s taken time to understand that these sorts of notions are never helpful. Heck, they’re actually self deprecating (but that’s another topic for another post).
As I’ve shared many times on this little blog of mine, I’m wired to seek perfection. Since moving to New York, I’ve learned that it’s not how I want to live my life and I’ve started to work away from having a be perfect all the time. This work on letting go of perfection led me to Brené Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection. In it, Brown discusses the idea of authenticity. Turns out my definition of the term was completely wrong. Authenticity isn’t just about being honest, it means being yourself 100% of the time. It’s feeling whatever you feel, saying what’s wrong and doing whatever it is you need to do.
What I’m really saying is that authenticity is hard. Being yourself all the time can be scary. It means committing to vulnerability and sharing your struggles with a select few. Brown points out that others won’t always like the decisions you make or the actions you take, which I know — for my fellow perfect-aspirers out there — sounds brutal.
This month I started practicing authenticity. In the moments when I was authentic (the times when I was honest and fully myself) I felt real, not like some cookie cutter version of me aiming for the highest of standards. I was really living and didn’t regret my choices.
I also learned that authenticity made me feel less anxious than I ever felt while trying to be perfect. And believe me, I was all kinds of imperfect this past month. I forgot things, I missed certain details and I spilled drinks on my clothes. These sorts of mishaps would normally send me into a tizzy, but they just didn’t have that sort of power over me.
My dad use to tell me that one day you’ll stop caring what other people think and start being yourself. The perfectionist in me thought, “haha you’re silly dad.” Now I’m remembering this advice and understanding what a sense of freedom it can bring.
Brown says that we have to practice, and I’m writing all of this to say that you should begin practicing authenticity. You may not nail it all the time, but that’s ok. Practice doesn’t make perfect, practice builds consistency.
[…] The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown Synopsis: It’s the perfect self help book for anyone who considers themselves a perfectionist. Brown really identifies the root of perfectionism and helps you find ways to let go of this way of being. You’ll learn about connection, courage and compassion and how practicing these ideals will help you start living your best life. Read it: if you’re a twenty-something who often feels insecure, anxious and inadequate Skip it: if you don’t like books that talk about “loving yourself” * For a little more detail about this book click here * […]